Search for Contentment

The title of this entry, in truth, describes how the life I am living right now shattered the hopes and dreams of people who feel that I don't deserve this.

This is my first post on this blog. Maybe I got inspired by the people I work with. People who have time to exert effort in this kind of self-realization. I envy them. As I read their posts, I knew for a fact that I am surrounded by smart, witty, and gut-filled individuals. They made me start to think about what really lies ahead. But for now, enough about them.

Let me introduce myself. I am Kristine. By the time of this post, I am on my way to turning 27. In the workplace, I feel really old. Old... meaning I have gone through a lot in my life. I have experienced situations that one may think as quite ordinary but there are matters beyond that you can never imagine.

I am married for 7 years now and I wouldn't tag it as anywhere near "Happily". Maybe a little of something in between. I did not marry intentionally but it is, in fact, by choice. Numerous hardships have hindered us from living a happy life including my husband's goal to prove my parents wrong. This is the cause why even though my family could easily breeze through life, living at the house I have grown to love and cherish, eating food minus the allergic reactions, sleeping with comfort in a cool fresh smelling room on a soft bed, taking hot showers without the burden of heating water on the stove, and having something to snack on when I suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, we don't. I hate him for having too much pride. I don't know why I put up with all this. Love, maybe.

Now I live in a small, one bedroom apartment. Not enough to accomodate a couple and two kids, we overcrowd the one king-sized bed we bought using the money we got on our wedding. I wonder why we didn't heed my dad's advice back then. He told us to buy a Toyota FX from the money gifts so that my husband can drive and earn a living with it. But then again, here comes the pride. He does not want to be an FX driver. Geez.

We are still in college when we got married. My side of the story tells you that I stopped studying to go to work and earn a living so my husband can finish his engineering course. So I did. When he graduated, I was already moving to the top of the professional ladder so I decided not to continue with school. I know. A very bad move.

Oh well... to be continued